In My Mind...

I've been uneasy lately. That's the best way I can explain it. You know that feeling when you have something really really important simmering in the back your mind which keeps you from living in the moment? I feel like that. I keep feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something I'm not. That I'm missing something... but I just can't seem to figure out what is it. It's been like that for so long now. I can't concentrate, I can't think straight....I can't do anything without having that horrible nagging feeling tugging at me, telling me that there's something more important that I need to take of. And no matter how deeply or fiercely I immerse myself in my thoughts, that feeling just doesn't seem to surface. I've been drowning, slowly but surely....I've been sinking deeper and deeper without even knowing it....until now.It came to me in the same way as most of my epiphanies do, while I was in the shower, in the middle of the night. I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I did something for someone without having them know it. I've helped people when they asked me and I've been nice without being asked. But I used to be the kind of person who enjoyed doing things that would make someone's life a little easier...anonymously. It wasn't just a side character trait, but a central part of the person I was. Where did it go? When did I lose it and why wasn't I aware of that? In other words, what the hell happened to me?It's shameful to wake up and realize that you've changed for the worse. It's even more scary to know that you weren't even aware of the change when it happened. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that now that I know about it, I can do something to rectify that. I'm so thankful that I caught this thing sooner than later. So starting from now, I'm going to ...... and try to save myself before it's too late.